My Second Amendment Epiphany
The most recent public clamor concerning the alleged "assault" on the 2nd Amendment by President Obama and members of Congress has forced me to contemplate potential solutions to what (according to the NRA and those not terribly politically literate) is the defining issue of our time—the reform of gun control laws.
I would have thought that perhaps the most pressing issue before us might be…oh, say hunger (1 in 6 Americans, some 50.1 million live with hunger daily); or poverty (according to Census data 15.1%, 46.2 million live below the poverty line) or maybe even homelessness, (647,000 Americans are homeless on any given night… 11% of which are veterans)… but I would have been wrong.
Listen to the vibrancy of public discourse and you will learn that the most crucial matter facing the American people is gun control. Apparently a hungry, homeless and destitute veteran takes a back seat in the minds of many to the fear that President Obama is about to authorize the squadrons of black helicopters we all know are housed in covert hangers in Gladwin County to take our guns and women.
Of course we listen religiously to Glen Beck daily and have patronized his sponsors Cheaperthandirtguns.com and MyPatriotSupply.com to stock up on guns and food for the Armageddon we all know looms on the horizon, so we are more than ready. Yes, our right to own guns—as many and as big as possible—must be the issue of our time.
At first I was dismissive of the scores of flannel shirted Constitutional experts I have found of late in gas stations, restaurants and shopping malls, but after careful consideration and proper reflection I am now of the opinion they, not I, are right. The solution is simple and right there before us—let's arm us all…everyone.
I have done my research in preparation for my intellectual epiphany and I am stunned at how unprepared as a nation we are. According to Gallup, only 42% of households and 30% of adults in American own guns. This means we are placing a disproportionate burden of protecting our homes and women on less than 50% of our adult populace. This is simply untenable.
Let's accept the wisdom of the National Rifle Association and Wayne LaPierre (that is a Socialist French name… can we really trust him?) and arm every man and woman say, age 16 and older. (We can always easily lower the age at a later date since the 2nd Amendment clearly does not prohibit arming infants.) I know I'd sleep better tonight knowing that I have the security of existing in a virtual armory.
On reflection, however, I would suggest we follow the advice of our revered Founding Fathers and take gun ownership further. The 2nd Amendment is, after all, just words. As we all know "actions speak louder than words." Let's emulate their actions as well.
I, for one, suggest we start with one of my favorite founders, Alexander Hamilton. Now there is a guy who understood his guns and women and had his priorities straight.
Hamilton was the Secretary of the Treasury under President George Washington. During that tenure, the 34 year old Hamilton had a steamy three year affair with a 23 year old vixen, Maria Reynolds. Both were married. Reynolds' husband, James, managed to blackmail Hamilton into multiple payments of over $1,000 to keep the affair quiet. Ultimately it obviously did not work and became our nation's first political sex scandal.
Hamilton also had a deep and fervent belief in the, then, newly minted 2nd Amendment. He is well-known for his quote, "The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." I agree, Al, I see the light. Let's follow not just Al's words however, let's follow his actions.
Hamilton was apparently a huge fan of the art of dueling. As you might recall, he allegedly maligned Aaron Burr at a dinner party following the latter's loss in the race for governor of New York. When Hamilton's comments were published in a newspaper, Burr challenged him to a duel. Being of sound mind and proper judgment, Hamilton agreed.
The duel took place on the banks of the Hudson River in Weehawken, New Jersey on the precise spot where Hamilton's oldest son, Phillip, had died in a duel three years earlier. On July 11, 1804, Al was fully vested with his 2nd Amendment rights but apparently slow on the draw. He was fatally shot and died a most painful death the next day.
Misfortune with a gun can strike any patriot at any time however, not just Hamilton. Just look at the shootings at three gun shows this weekend alone in the US, wounding five red-blooded American patriots.
We should never permit fact and logic from obscuring the wisdom of a good idea. Let's mandate gun ownership and concomitantly restore the legality of dueling.
Think of the time dueling would save law enforcement. Weekend domestic arguments, after school disagreements and conflict over the prized front row parking spot can all be handled with no involvement of the police or any other agent of the dreaded government.
We can simply follow the example of one of our finest Founding Fathers, Al Hamilton, and settle matters on the spot. This will stimulate the local economy across the nation by substantially increasing business for funeral parlors and properly utilize our rights now under Obamacare for those surviving but wounded. (Or those injured at gun shows.)
After weeks of personal angst over how we as a society can address the issue of gun control, I have concluded that Wayne and the NRA are correct… the solution is so simple. If we only arm everyone and reinstitute the fine art of dueling, many societal problems will subside. I can sleep soundly knowing that we all possess sufficient firepower to protect us from the horrors that virtually none of us will ever face anyway.
Follow my suggestions and in a few short years, Darwinism will solve the underlying issues behind the nonsense which is this artificial contrived argument concerning the 2nd Amendment.
Opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Andy Rapp, Q-TV, Delta College, or PBS.